Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
