im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
