Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Please, let me fuck your mom
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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