party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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