What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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