You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
