worst night to have a conscience
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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