Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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