She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
