Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
there's paper in my vomit.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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