Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
