i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
