Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
