My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
