Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
