You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
