I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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