Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just googled if crying burns calories
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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