Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
