I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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