I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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