I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
