dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
