there's paper in my vomit.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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