Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
