I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she smelled like a LAN party
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
