She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
