i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
