just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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