No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
