I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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