Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We had to coat check the pizza.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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