just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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