I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
