Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
