I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
