She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
