erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
