Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
