He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize