giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
