Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's not a walk of shame if you run
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
