I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Terrible idea I love it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
