PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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