you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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