i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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