good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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