Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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