there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
