I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
