I haven't been this sober since birth.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
