remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
