She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
