please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
