Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
high people should be assigned attendants
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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