My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
