i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize