Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
