I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
