You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
