i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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