this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
