I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
