A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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