He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
