You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I did not marry a roomba.
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